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Cancel That "911"

September 20, 2016


Women over 60 years of age should not wear blue lipstick.  I don't care how it looks on the models in Vogue, this color of lipstick is not for the geriatric set.


I bought a tube of an ocean-blue shade, then proceeded to get "all tricked out" to go to Costco.  As I was meandering around the store, I noticed one of the employees following me.  Every time I turned a corner, there he was!


I thought, maybe this is working too well.  Some young man is fancying me!   Like in the commercial, the lady who has a Safe Alert button seems to fake a swoon, then slyly presses the call button and within seconds, there are a multitude of hot firefighters in her home.  Well, the blue lipstick was much cheaper but it seemed to be having the same effect.


I turned around and faced my stalker, and he grabbed me by the arm.  Oh, what was this?


"Lady, do you want to sit down?" he asked.


Why, what would happen then, I wondered.


Since I was speechless, he called to another employee.


"Call 911, this lady has blue lips, she's going to pass out."


When I protested, he saw my nails.  They, too, were blue because I had purchased nail polish to match.


He immediately made one of the ladies hawking samples move, and dragged the chair over to me.


Now everyone was watching.


I cried, "Look here, it's blue lipstick, okay?  It's the height of the fall fashion colors. Don't you know anything?  Don't you read what you sell?"  I pointed to a nearby Vogue magazine.  


He took a good, hard look at me.  I knew I couldn't expect CPR now.  I had ruined the whole thing.  No hot firefighters.  Just the door.


I'm going to write Vogue a letter.  And purchase a Safe Alert button.



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