May 21, 2020

April 24, 2020

April 20, 2020

March 24, 2020

September 13, 2019

September 8, 2019

Please reload

Recent Posts

A Case for Spam

December 2, 2017



                For many people, the “spam folder” in their email is sort of


like the junk drawer in their home; unusual and minute pieces of


effluviant matter end up incarcerated forever, seldom used and


even more seldom consulted.  Still, the spam folder and the junk


drawer exist in their own universe, parallel to ours.


                I happened to look in my spam folder the other day and I


also consulted its poor cousin, the “unwanted” cache of mail.  Now,


how would the email server know what I want and don’t want? 


There was very little in there.  Far more revealing and very


interesting, though, was my spam folder.


               However, I don’t think Google has done a very good job at


tracking my preferences and my history.  This is both reassuring


and disturbing. Reassuring because of privacy concerns, and


disturbing because of the implications of an extremely chaotic


world that would inspire the creation of these messages.   The very


first spam message was (and now keep in mind that I don’t click on


these messages, so I may be missing a very integral section, but I


don’t think so…) referenced Male Enhancement.  In fact, the product


claimed to be the #1 male enhancement pill in the U.S. and said


“Get your Exclusive Free Bo…”  The next one was from a guy named


Mark with a four-digit number after his name (?); he wanted to


follow up on an application I had supposedly submitted.  Nope. 


                Then there was one congratulating me “on my order


number that migh…” (no, no, no).  Then there was poetry; this


nugget stated, “This boner brew makes you a better screw if y…”  I


scrolled quickly past this only to come face-to-face with a message


from one Natalie** who wanted me to call her back; she was


supposedly waiting for me.  I almost ended my sojourn with the


sight of one that truly was clever:  “Hi,” this one started out.  “Re: 


Unsubscribe NOW.  To STOP receiving these emails from us, Just


hi…”  But I’m glad I kept going, because I wouldn’t have wanted to


miss the one that told me about my missing money that had just


been found, and also the odd fact that these messages are repeated


every several days.


                The last time I looked, Natalie ** was still waiting for me to


call her back, joined by her friends, Jasmine** and Amanda ** (for


God’s sake, what DO the asterisks mean?).  It is not too late for me to


send for my “medical strength formula for male virility,” and I now


have two new messengers, the “24/7 Pharmacy” and someone


called “Chiky Chiky.”  Beware of this one – very suspicious!  Also, I


never clicked on the ones with the Russian girls wanting to meet


me, exotic Latinas lining up to introduce themselves to me, and a


money gram hovering just beyond my grasp, encouraged by the


fortune teller Bertha. 


                There is an entire circus waiting to perform for you, just


inside your ubiquitous spam folder.  From the titillating “Warning:  4


Signs You Can’t Avoid,” to “Save Big on Toilet Paper” (probably


another filthy come-on).   It’s anybody’s guess what treasures these


and the other messages might unveil, but I know better than to click


on them.  Even pleadings from Bertha the fortune teller have to go


untouched and remain safely ensconced in the junk drawer of my


email.  Forever.






Please reload

Please reload